The crux of deconditioning is rewriting the emotion attached to a memory.
We want to achieve a state of relative equanimity and turn to our painful memories, thoughts and ideas.
Memories and dreams are rewritten whenever they are recalled. The affective tone you have when recalling them will nudge them in a certain direction.
If you recall a happy memory or projection when angry then you will taint it with rage. If you recall a painful one when equanimous then you will remove the emotional charge and step it toward neutrality.
For trauma this can take several repetitions. It might be so painful that you can't even look at first. Next time around it hurts, but you can see it through the gaps in your fingers. The next time it's your peripheral vision. And the time after that you look at it square on.
The key is to use a touch-and-go approach until you manage to stabilise your dopaminergic tone enough for the memory to not elicit strong emotional responses.
The key is to not just look for opaque memories and projections but to look for ideas and ideals which have caused you anguish over the years.
Morality. Self-image. Love, but not enough. Love, but too much. Death and its knock-on effect. Things left unsaid. Things said to too many times. Both to yourself and to others.
Repulsive thoughts you daren't utter aloud. The desire for existence as one thing and not as another. The desire for existence or non-existence altogether.
In Buddhism the advice is to progress through the jhāna and achieve extreme stability before turning to your past lives (past modalities of living) and seeing how beings are reborn according to their actions (observing how your intentional is reflected in your perceptual model of the world).
What we do instead is have a hot bath and walk and ride our bikes and maybe dance or sit on a swing or whatever regulation method we have chosen. We look at these painful memories and export them in writing, while not entertaining the habitual verbalisations of vicitmisation or anger.
We defuse these feelings step by step.
In doing so, we rewrite the affective tone of the memory until it becomes just 'a thing that happened' and not a defining part of our psyche.