Hello!
I’m James and I made this website.
I was thrown into a hyper-compressed deconditioning cycle after finding a suicide body on a bike ride and nearly being killed by the drugs prescribed by the mental health industry. My symptoms required that I have ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), ASD (autism spectrum disorder), BP2 (bipolar disorder type 2), PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), FLE (frontal lobe epilepsy), probably a lobotomy… and still they did not fit.
I discovered the Buddhist insight maps and everything started to make sense. I inferred the neurochemical modulation at play from both the MoA of the drugs prescribed and the leading research into meditative states, then combined it with my experience as a biohacking ironman athlete to create my own ‘training plan’ for enlightenment. It took me 4.5 months to go through a process which usually takes decades.
I recorded the entire experience, end-to-end, with time stamps. You can find all 700,000 words of it on my personal website: www.james-baird.com
A brief summary of my life:
Born to a loving family in the UK in 1983
Experienced a traumatic and violent school life
Lived in Japan for a year at age 18
Engaged in extensive drug use during university
Endured an abusive relationship for three years
Moved to Tokyo at age 21
Faced multiple redundancies and 15 years of developing alcoholism
Attacked by yakuza in a scam; arrested and falsely convicted after two weeks in detention
Met my future wife and transformed from unfit smoker to ironman over the course of three years
Cycled across Asia with my wife; lived in Thailand, Italy, and England
Learned Vipassanā meditation at an S. N. Goenka retreat (2014); have maintained passive mindfulness since
Founded Japan’s first AI-focused recruitment company (2014)
Experienced an ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage; wife expelled from the UK under the hostile environment policy (2017)
Welcomed first child after returning to Japan (2018); second born at the start of COVID (2020)
Quit alcohol (2021) and redirected energy into work, helping build one of the world’s leading AI companies
4 years of athletic asceticism, training to ironman world championship level
Achieved early financial independence while raising two children through the pandemic
Grew tired of striving but could not stop; began deconstructing the self through art (2024)
Used high levels of legal cannabinoids daily for two years
Discovered a suicide victim while on a training ride
Developed PTSD and sought psychiatric help during the crisis phase
Misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder and prescribed valproate, which halted the deconditioning process and caused clinical depression
Later diagnosed with ADHD and treated with guanfacine; diagnosed with ASD and given aripiprazole
Held in a two-month-long second-jhāna-like state of no-self by aripiprazole, triggering an explosive yet confusing awakening
Overcame aripiprazole addiction, an analogue of greed itself due to its dopamine receptor binding
Resumed valproate; multiple meltdowns and suicidal periods; defied medical advice to stop all medication
Discovered the Buddhist insight maps and reverse-engineered the biomechanics of awakening
Developed a structured ‘training plan’ to complete the awakening process without pharmacology
Refined a scaffold combining AI, simulations, and Buddhism to remain consistent with scientific understanding
Induced four further encounters with nibbāna over two months
Decoupled from reality during the final stages while remaining fully functional as a father and member of society
Released the scaffold and the need for explanation; made peace with mystery
Settled into a new life without striving, greed, or suffering
… and we will see what happens now, I guess.
I no longer fit the diagnostic criteria for ADHD, PTSD, FLE or BP2.
The trauma of my life is gone and my days are without struggle.